**takes a deep breath**
I’m here. I really am HERE. I know it has been a very long time since I have published something here. Trust me – there are many drafts sitting here waiting to be completed and published but I have been exhausted. I have sat down several times to write… something… anything… to share what I have been going through – the good and the not so good. But I end up stumped. I will write a few words (or even paragraphs) and I just feel tired, sluggish and unmotivated.
My mind, body and spirit has felt a heavy weight for awhile now. With several deaths in my family over the past year and a half along side other personal defeats I have felt like I continue to fall down a never ending tunnel of muck. What I do know however is that when this happens to me I often go through a phase of renewal and growth. I find strength. I find teachers. I find myself peeling back or shedding the “old” me.
This often comes when I do what I have been doing lately – being still. Whether it is through meditation or just sitting there, eyes closed and listening. I release all the pressure, stress and frustration. All the anger and sadness. I just sit and be still. Sometimes I ask for divine guidance and sometimes I just listen because I know there is always a faint whisper of what to do next.
The past couple of days have been a struggle for me and I am drained on every level. Two people in my family passed away a year after my father passed away. I have been waking up nearly every morning at 4:11am. The first couple of mornings I felt annoyed because I haven’t been getting restful sleep in general with the full moon. But I started listening to my intuition and letting spirit guide me. I realize that I need to pay attention to the synchronocity of this particular time (numbers).
I have been allowing myself to rest. Drink plenty of water. Research what the numbers 411 represent and have been pleasantly surprised. I usually see 111 or 1111 more so it was interesting to see the relation 411 has to paying attention to creative aspects of my life. I have always felt I had an artistic and creative side but never allowed it to fully develop. It has been a gentle reminder to find ways to express my creative side.
Though I was annoyed at the lack of sleep/restful sleep I have been having I was also reminded of how many ideas flow to me in the darkest hours. I used to have horrible insomnia fused by worrisome thoughts. Now I can’t wait to snuggle up in bed at an earlier time, however, I realize sometimes if I allow myself to stay awake a bit later (because I’m a night owl by heart) or wake up earlier during the darkest hours my creative juices flow. I think of many great things that I wouldn’t normally think of during the day when I am often on auto pilot.
I have decided that I will take advatage of these shorter days and really be still in the darkness so that I can seek guidance.
In the darkest hours what do you experience?